13 posts tagged “quizzies”

Here are my answers to that "Things People Don't Know About You" meme that's been going around. However, I could only think of five right now, even though I was supposed to do eight. If I can think of others, I'll post them, but for now five will just have to do. Also, I don't know if they're really things nobody knows about me, but they're little known facts to say the very least. 

1. Someone once told me that they were certain I was the Antichrist. They even tried to make me admit that I knew I was the Antichrist and that I was just waiting for my chance to take over the world. This person was 100% serious about this. As for me? I'm still not sure whether or not I'm incredibly insulted in regards to that or supremely flattered. On one hand, they thought I was pretty much the living embodiment of evil, but on the other, they thought I had the potential to take over the world. Tough call.

2. In high school, someone started a rumor that I had fake hair because they thought it was too pretty and too long to be real. For a long time after that, a lot of other kids tried to prove that the rumor was true. Some of the cruelest of them tried to set my ponytail on fire once. They apparently thought that if it was a wig, or a weave, or something, it wouldn't burn. I also had random girls run up to me and pull handfuls of my hair really hard for the same reason. I guess they thought it would come off or something. Good times.

3. I had some really weird guy that used to come into the shop where I used to work try repeatedly to get me to model for print ads for his bike shop. He sold like... Harleys and whatnot, I guess, and he wanted me to agree to be dressed up in leather and photographed draping myself all over some of the bikes. I declined, because I personally can't think of anything that would embarrass me more than having pictures of myself in skimpy leather outfits hanging up all over town, but this was nevertheless a running joke among my co-workers for years.

4. I'm borderline obsessed with old ephemeral films from the '40s and '50s -- you know, the ones that taught kids from back in the day how to groom themselves properly, behave in social situations, and basically be well-rounded, healthy individuals in every sense of the word. They're so interesting, not to mention completely surreal. It's a bit like opening a little window into the past that scares and amuses me in equal parts. I'm still reeling over the one that says no meal is as nutritious as it could be until it's slathered with butter. 

5. I think having a body is gross. I mean... really. It is. I honestly have to try not to think about the fact that I am indeed the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of squishy items like brains, and kidneys, and intestines, and ligaments. Plus, I find my body's natural urges -- for food, sex, sleep, and so forth -- to be supremely annoying most of the time. This is precisely the reason I want to be cremated when I die -- so the whole body thing can be truly and finally over with someday.

Oh, and just FYI? A couple of disclaimers in regards to a couple of the above statements.

1. My hair is indeed very real. Dyed? Yes. Fooled with so that I don't have to deal with my natural curls that I hate? Yes. Fake? Absolutely not. Each and every hair on my head actually grew out of my scalp inch by inch.

2. I am not the Antichrist to the best of my knowledge. Believe me when I say that if I were, I would very definitely not be able to resist bragging about it.

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Who says I ever plan on growing up? I think the secret to happiness lies in becoming responsible and mature while still remaining young at heart, and I honestly try to do that to the best of my ability. If you're talking career though, I'd like to continue growing and building on what I'm doing currently. I'll always write and I'll always make art because I love it so much. Those things have been part of my life since childhood and when I'm not actively doing them at a given time, I actually feel kind of lost.

I would also like to continue exploring more options that are related to my interest in astrology. I'm turning out to be really good at doing it on a professional basis, and it obviously merges well with my ability to express myself through both writing and art. I'd also like to someday explore more options in regards to combining my interest in writing with my interest in wine and food.

2. What did you want to be when you were younger? How does this compare with your life now and your vision of your future life?

When I was younger, I don't know that you could really call me very ambitious. I equated the idea of having a career with being chained to a desk and living at the mercy of some boss whom you may or may not get along with. That was before I found out it was possible to find ways to do things you love and that you're good at within parameters that feel comfortable to you. 

I did nevertheless half-heartedly consider several options as far as a career path goes, since we all have to do something. I majored in psychology for a while, and thought about becoming a therapist. I also considered turning my love for animals into a veterinary career. I even actually worked as a veterinary technician for a while, but nothing I tried was a very good fit. At heart, I guess I've always been a quiet, creative type.

As far as how all that compares to where I wound up, I guess I thought I'd probably be directionless, or else trapped in a job that didn't really fit me, for the rest of my life. I never imagined that I'd actually find work that I love and actually look forward to what the future might bring my way from a career standpoint.

3. Are there dreams you've given up on for reasons other than changing desires? What made you give up on them, and how do you feel about them in hindsight?

Like I said, I don't know that I ever had "dreams" in the way most young people do. In many ways, I'm learning to dream for the first time at this stage of my life because I'm only just now reaching a point where I'm exploring different places to live, career options, and choices in regards to how I can live my life. I had no idea there were so many choices out there. In regards to dreams though, I don't believe in giving up on anything you really want or believe in. It turns out that a lot of things are easier to accomplish than they seem at first.

4. Are there things (like marriage or college) that you've always believed would be part of your life? Did you get them? Are you still looking? Have you moved on?

Well, I guess most of my thoughts about the future when I was young revolved around the idea of being in a major relationship or a marriage. However, after a bunch of failed relationships, I've kind of given up the ghost in regards to ever finding a perfect one. I'm just not someone that can make my life about someone else, nor do I want to be anymore. I do still value the idea and the experience of being in a relationship, but I no longer expect to get total fulfillment out of it. I've learned to turn to my career and personal achievements for that, and I have to admit that my mother was right. That's a much better, healthier way to go.

I also suppose I hoped travel would be a bigger part of my life by now, but alas. I've lacked the funds to really make that happen. I also think I've lacked the independence, but all of that has been changing dramatically in recent years. Traveling is something I've always wanted to do a lot of in my life -- especially in regards to Europe. I'd honestly even like to try living in England, Ireland, Scotland, or France if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have definitely not given up on that dream. I still am very serious about making it happen someday.

5. What is part of your life now that you would never have imagined as a child or teenager?

Probably responsibility. As I touched on above, I always imagined myself married to a husband that could and would take care of all that stuff for me, but life really didn't work out that way. I didn't see or want a career, a full life like I have now, or any sort of variety and change at all. I guess I imagined my entire life as turning out very different from the way it did, but I'm hardly disappointed. I don't think I would have been truly happy as a common hausfrau, to be honest, and it really would have been a shame. Even if I do say so myself, I'm really very talented in a number of different ways, and it would have been a shame not to have gotten a chance to really explore what I could do with those talents.

November has been an incredibly busy month for me, so I have a ton of work to get done today if I want to have a prayer of properly applying myself to Thanksgiving tomorrow. (My future mom-in-law has to work tomorrow, so I'm going to take care of the roasting and baking for her while she's gone.) I have a number of things I want to turn in to clients no later than Monday. Plus, I have 15,000 words to write for NaNo by then as well. I'll definitely be a very busy girl today. In the meantime though, here's a little mini-meme that's going around.

1. My defining characteristic is: I really suppose that depends on who you're asking and how they feel about me. I assume most people would say my creativity, as I'm generally known in one capacity or another for my writing and artistic ability. However, there are some from my actual life who would say it's either my generosity or my ego. Those who only know me in passing would probably say it's my so-called beauty.

2. My most evil moment was: You know, I really haven't had many truly evil moments, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm so strait-laced and disciplined as to be almost robotic, and sometimes that makes me feel very boring. Even on the rare occasion that I'm a bit tipsy, nothing much really changes. It's not that I'm inhibited. It's that there's apparently nothing all that interesting hiding underneath waiting to be unleashed.

3. My grossest injury (had or seen) was: Do animal injuries count? One of the many hats I've worn over the years was that of a veterinary technician, and I saw some pretty nasty things during that part of my life. Probably the nastiest would be a toss-up between something called a "de-gloving injury" that a cat sustained via a fight with a raccoon and a maggot infection that a neglected, living dog was dealing with. The maggots were especially disturbing, as up to that point, I was unaware that living things could become infested with them.

4. My oldest memory is: I'm not sure how old I was, but I was very little. Certainly too young to walk. My mom was pushing me around in my pram and I was positively roasting in the sun. My grandmother told my mom to pull the shade over me before I got a sunburn, and when she did so, I remember feeling very relieved. Odd thing to remember, I suppose.

5. My random fact is: Some of the things I enjoy doing most with my time are things I got into "accidentally". I started cooking and learning about food science because I was a picky eater and wanted to know exactly what was in everything I ate. I got into professional writing because I just "happened" to sell a couple of articles to a publisher. I hadn't seriously thought about it before that. I got into art and literature out of sheer boredom. My whole life is a series of happy (and sometimes not so happy) accidents. 

6. My stupidest decision was: My stupidest decisions always have to do with relationships. I'm incredibly adept when it comes to anything creative or practical, but people are complicated -- especially when love is involved. I tend to rush into commitments with people, thinking I can accomplish anything I want to with relationships the same as I feel I can with other things, and that's never the case. Getting married to my ex was definitely a colossal mistake. I'm trying to become less headstrong in that respect for sure.

7. My weakest trait is: I'd probably say my stubbornness. I really am very pig-headed. Once I've made up my mind about something, there's no changing it. I pretty much always think I'm right and cannot be argued with without consequence. Believe it or not, this trait has been a wonderful help to me when it comes to my career, but it's been a real Achilles heel when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships with others. Others tend to feel I'm not flexible and accommodating enough when it comes to compromise.

Meh... let's see how many unfriendings I get after this hot mess. I'm going to remain optimistic and hope that you're all too mature to ditch me solely on the basis of my opinion about something. Don't you go disappointing me now.

Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Does the person that wrote this question have any idea what meth actually does to a person? Well, let me tell you that I do, and I have no wish whatsoever to have my life turn into a flaming hot ball of stink the way it would if I got started on meth. The fact that meth is illegal is only one of a million reasons why I don't do it. I like having a healthy brain, not to mention all of my teeth. Thanks but no thanks. Moving on.

Abortion: for or against? 
I assume that what this question is really asking is whether or not I am pro-choice, and if that's the case, then yes, I am. I whole-heartedly believe that a woman has the right to choose for herself what goes on in her own body. However, I would never presume to tell another woman that she should or shouldn't have an abortion. It's up to her to decide whether or not that's right and proper from where she sits. 

Would our country fall with a woman President?
This is an odd question that I'm not sure how to answer. I certainly feel that a female president has the potential to be every bit as capable as a male president. However, I am still uncertain as to whether or not every American is ready for that. I think it's possible that it would cause issues that have little to do with how good of a leader she actually is. I hope I'm wrong about that, but some days I'm not so sure.

Do you believe in the death penalty?
Absolutely. There are some acts a human being can commit that completely nullify their right to go on living in my opinion. That's really all I have to say about that.

Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Although I don't smoke pot or have any wish to, I personally don't see any reason why it shouldn't be legalized. I mean... alcohol is legal and that can do it's fair share of damage. I don't feel pot is any more harmful than that is, to be honest. 

Are you for or against premarital sex?
I'm personally for it, but as with the abortion issue, I would never presume to tell someone else that this is the way they should do things or that they're wrong for thinking otherwise. Just speaking for myself though, I feel that the sexual side of a relationship is very important. Although I definitely see it as something that should be taken seriously and treated with the utmost responsibility, I also see it as a step that should be taken long before marriage is being discussed. I also personally feel that couples should live together before being married, but like I said... I really am not trying to tell other people how to run their lives. I'm really only able to speak for myself.

Do you believe in God? 
Well, I'm an agnostic. That pretty much means that I don't see the existence of God as something that can be either proven or debunked. I always tell people that I believe in possibilities. Do I believe it's possible that there was some kind of intelligent design or plan in place as far as the creation of the universe? Yes, I think that's likely. I see too much order and precision in the world at large to be able to feel otherwise. But do I believe in God? Like... a being that's up in the sky paying attention to what I do and deciding my ultimate fate based on whether or not I correctly follow a list of rules? No, I do not. 

Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Absolutely. I didn't even have to think about my answer to this question. Gay couples deserve every right and consideration that straight couples have... period. I don't believe in discrimination based on sexual orientation any more than I believe in racial, gender, or age discrimination, and to be honest, I'm actually shocked that in this day and age this is still such a big, controversial issue. 

Do you think its wrong that so many immigrants are moving to the US? 
I honestly have no problem with immigrants moving into the U.S. Mi casa es su casa, you know? However, I do have a problem with people not bothering to become legal and assimilate themselves into this culture. If you want to be an American, then be an American. I'm not saying you should give up your traditions or become someone completely different, but do what you need to do. Learn the language. Work and earn your living the same as the rest of us do. Pay taxes. Do things legitimately. I would expect no less of myself if I decided to move to some other country. 

A 12 year old girl has a baby..should she keep it?
This is a complicated question that depends on a lot of factors. Does she have a proper support system in her family that can help her raise this child properly? Under what circumstances was this child conceived? Is she somehow able to give the child everything it needs to live the healthy, secure, happy life it deserves? If not, then I personally think she should give up the baby. I feel it's best for the baby, and it's best for her. Although there are young mothers that are somehow able to beat the odds and become good parents, I really have my beefs with young girls who choose to have and keep babies, but I'm not even going to get into that right now.

Should the alcohol age be lowered to 18? 
Yes, I actually think it should. Either that, or the legal age for everything else associated with adulthood should be raised to 21. To me, it makes no sense that someone is old enough to take responsibility for themselves in every other way but they're not allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine if they want to.

Should the war in Iraq be called off? 
It probably should have been a long time ago if we're really going to pick at that Iraqi war scab, don't you think? I'm honestly a bit flabbergasted that it's still going on. I'm not even really sure I know what it's all about anymore, but then I'm an admitted idiot when it comes to pretty much anything to do with politics or war.

Do you believe in spanking your children?
I do, actually. When I did something wrong, I got spanked and I'm hardly damaged because of it. In fact, I think I may actually be better for it. If I had kids, or were ever planning on having any, then I would have no problem spanking them. However, once again, that's a decision every parent should make for themselves. 

Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars? 
OK... here's another really weird question. Do I think that we all should show some kind of loyalty to the country we live in whether or not we stand behind everything to do with it? Yes, I definitely do. However, I personally don't put much store in symbols. I get that what the American flag represents is worth a lot and certainly something to be respected, but a flag itself is really nothing but a piece of cloth to me. It's hard for me to see the burning of an object as being the same as spitting on everything to do with America. It's just not how my mind works. Whether or not I would actually burn a flag for a million dollars myself is a complicated one. Like I said, it's an object to me and a million dollars is a lot of money. However, I'd be worried about the criminal and social consequences of the act, so for that reason I would have to say no. I'd love to be a millionaire, but that's definitely not how I want it to happen.

A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case. What do you think? 
Again... I need a lot more information. I would really have to be sitting on that jury and hearing that whole case down to every last scrap of evidence. I will assume for the sake of argument that I'm supposed to see this as a huge failing in our justice system, meaning that it was 100% clear she wasn't actually sick or insane, yet she got off anyway and is roaming around free instead of locked up in a mental hospital somewhere. In that case, what little faith I actually have left in our justice system would be completely gone. I'd be enraged and sickened, to say the least.

Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I'm not actually someone who's afraid of being judged. I have faced a lot of judgment at the hands of others in my life, but it's never stopped me from owning my own opinions and stances on certain issues. Everything I think and feel is for a reason, and I am ashamed of very little in my life. I do sometimes worry that people will misunderstand me, and being misunderstood is something I do truly dislike, but hey... that's life. Let's just say it doesn't exactly keep me up at night.

Your result for The Color Code Test...

Color Code: BLUE: The Social Butterfly

Take The Color Code Test at HelloQuizzy

Well... most of that sounded about right. Especially the stuff about me being morally conscious. I wouldrather lose than cheat. No bread of shame for me, dammit. I also really do like feeling appreciated, respected, and useful. I like being seen as an authority on things -- someone smart and capable -- not just some fluffy little cupcake who exists to sit around and look pretty or (God forbid) be taken advantage of.

No matter how jaded I become, part of me is always still bent on making the world a better place and trying to empower people in any way I can. I'd even go so far as to say that's my dearest wish in life. It seems like that idea of leaving the world a better place than I found it is at the heart of almost everything I like doing with my time from painting, to writing articles, to cooking. If I'm stuck doing a job that I feel doesn't somehow improve the world in at least a small way, then I'm deeply unhappy and feel like it's a complete waste of my time no matter how much it pays.

I seriously wouldn't describe myself as a social butterfly though. People gravitate toward me and tend to want to meet me/know me, but I've never really been able to figure out why. I'm not outgoing at all in real life, and I really don't even see myself as friendly. In fact, I usually go well out of my way to avoid being noticed at all. I don't make eye contact with people. I don't smile at strangers. I don't ever make the first move with people. 

I used to think people were drawn to me just because of my looks, and I used to be totally disgusted at how superficial people must be. I thought: "Wow, how pathetic. People will put up with anything just to be around a pretty face. No wonder I don't really like anybody." In retrospect though, I figure it's got to be more than that. You'd think that if anything my looks would add to the intimidation factor... not take away from it. The cynic in me hates to admit it, but maybe people are more intuitive than I usually give them credit for.

Behold... my answers to the latest blog prompt meme going around. 

Theme: When you were a child...

1. What was your favorite cereal?

I was actually one of those rare children that really liked healthy cereal. I seem to remember something called "Fruit and Fiber" that I used to just love, much to the great delight of my mother. I also really liked granola, and pretty much anything that contained dried fruit or nuts and wasn't overly sweet.

2. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wasn't really one of those kids that had these big career aspirations when I was really young the way some seem to. I honestly always just assumed that when I grew up, I'd be married and my husband would take care of the money. I never thought having a typical job or a career sounded fun at all, and really... to this day, I haven't changed much. Any time as an adult I've worked your classic job, it was honestly only because I needed the money. I did imagine myself being a painter and writing novels though, so I suppose you could say I wanted to be an artist or a writer. I just don't know that I thought of those things as "career choices". They were just things I wanted to do because they moved me. 

3. What vegetable(s) did you hate?

I actually liked most vegetables. I wasn't really the type of kid that had a problem with eating healthy food. I certainly preferred it to the sweets and junk food that most kids liked. There were a few vegetables I've never liked though, even as a child. String beans, for one. I can force them down for the sake of politeness if someone serves them to me, but I don't like them. I also always really disliked tomatoes for texture reasons. Just... yuck. I've never been a fan of anything mushy or squishy.

4. What was your favorite food?

I remember really liking almost anything that involved noodles or pasta. I liked spaghetti, especially if my mom put something like shrimp on top. I liked ravioli and tortellini. I actually didn't like macaroni and cheese or lasagna at all though, even though those are usually foods kids like. Those were things I didn't learn to appreciate until I became an adult. I also liked any kind of potatoes or bread when I was a kid. I liked hamburgers. I liked sausages, although for some reason, I didn't really like hot dogs. I liked fish and seafood. I really liked black-eyed peas for some reason. Pizza was OK, but I don't remember being really nuts about it. What can I say... I was a weird kid.

5. What was your favorite subject at school?

I liked most of my subjects, to be honest, because I really liked the learning part of going to school. I just didn't like interacting with the other kids or being singled out by the teachers because, I was really painfully shy. Getting back to subjects though, I probably always liked art the best, as if that's really a surprise. I also really liked English, since I loved to read and write. I also remember liking life science, history, and social studies at least some of the time. Seriously though... if I was good at a subject, and it came easily to me, I usually liked it. If it was hard for me, or too much of a challenge, then I didn't.

6. What was your favorite toy?

I was absolutely crazy-mad-nuts over the She-Ra: Princess of Power toys. It was like... I had to have every single one that existed as soon as they came out or I was going to die. I remember feeling deeply disappointed when they kind of went out of style and Mattel stopped making them. I just thought all the different characters were so damn cool. Actually, now that I think about it, the whole She-Ra universe was probably an early artistic influence. I can really see the shadows of some of those character types in some of my artwork.

7. Were you in a hurry to grow up?

No, actually. I really didn't want to grow up at all, or even grow older. For some reason, birthdays were psychologically very hard for me even when I was little. (Don't even get me started on how I felt when I actually went into puberty. It was like it was the end of the world.) Although I thought it would be kind of cool to fall in love or be married one day, I was absolutely terrified by the idea of moving out on my own or having to have a job. I couldn't understand why all my peers were in such a hurry to become "big kids" or "grown-ups". It seemed like it kind of sucked to me.

[ ] the dark

[ ] staying single forever

[x] being a parent - Parenthood is literally something that I have nightmares about, so I think it's safe to say that I'm afraid of it. I'd literally choose death over becoming a mother.

[x] giving birth - And pregnancy, too. No offense to those of you who feel differently, but the idea of another living being growing inside of my body, and then ripping its way out of me is horrifying. Just thinking about it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

[ ] being myself in front of others

[ ] open spaces

[ ] closed spaces

[x] heights - It's probably pretty minor though. I hate heights, but my fear doesn't stop me from doing things I want to do that would involve pushing past it.

[ ] dogs

[ ] birds

[ ] fish

[ ] spiders

[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 3

[x] being touched - Or rather being touched by strangers. I hate that society has practices like shaking hands that you must comply with to avoid seeming rude. Having to touch strangers, either on purpose or by accident, actually causes me to panic at times.

[ ] fire

[ ] deep water - Although I probably should be, not knowing how to swim and all.

[x] snakes - This is probably the one animal or insect I would actually consider myself to be afraid of.

[ ] silk

[ ] the ocean

[x] failure - I constantly worry about not being successful enough, or about not having enough achievements. I would say that I worry about this to the point where it affects my general well-being.

[ ] success - Are people really afraid of success? I mean... really? Isn't the drive to succeed in one form or another pretty much the only reason people get up in the morning?

[x] thunder/lightning - I actually really like thunderstorms, but I have a phobia of being struck by lightning.

[ ] frogs/toads

[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's dad

[ ] boyfriend's/girlfriend's mum

[ ] rats

[x] jumping from high places - Um... yeah, I guess. I think I'm generally more afraid of falling from high places though. I don't like the sensation of weightlessness and falling.

[ ] snow

Total so far: 8

[ ] rain

[ ] wind

[ ] crossing hanging bridges

[ ] death - Actually dying doesn't scare me. At all. I guess it probably should.

[ ] heaven

[ ] being robbed

[x] falling - Yes, I am afraid of falling. It's the sensation of it that I don't like, as opposed to any fear of actually dying because of a fall. Even if I'm falling within a relatively safe situation, such as an amusement park ride, I can't tolerate it. I panic.

[ ] clowns - I strongly dislike clowns, and I think they're creepy to the max, but I wouldn't say that I'm actually afraid of them.

[ ] dolls - Same thing as clowns. I dislike them and find them unsettling, but I'm not afraid of them.

[x] large crowds of people - It has to do with sensory overload and with the fear of being "trapped" within a crowd if there's an emergency. Also, it's hard to be in a crowd without at least brushing up against other people, so it ties in to my touch fear as well.

[ ] men

[ ] women

[x] having great responsibilities - I never thought about it much, but I suppose you could say I'm afraid of this. I grew up with more responsibility for more things than I should have had as a child. I think it would be safe to say that I live in constant fear of somehow winding up back in a situation like that. Responsibilities make me feel caged, trapped, and taken advantage of -- not valued and important the way most people would feel. It's one of the many reasons I want nothing to do with parenthood.

[ ] doctors, including dentists - Well, I don't love 'em or anything, but I don't fear them either. I mostly find having my body "violated" via exams and whatnot to be more annoying and insulting than frightening.

[x] tornadoes - Yeah, I actually have a fairly strong phobia of tornadoes. I could never live somewhere where they're even a minor probability. I would be on edge literally all the time.

Total so far: 12

[ ] hurricanes

[x] incurable diseases - I am definitely afraid of winding up stuck in a body that's broken in a way that can't be fixed.

[ ] sharks

[ ] Friday the 13th

[x] ghosts - Yes, the idea of ghosts frightens me, as well as the general idea of possession. I don't care if they're friendly or malicious. Both are equally unsettling to me.

[x] poverty - I am not someone that can live poor. I just can't. Call me superficial if you want to, but I'd sincerely rather not live at all than live in a situation where I'm honestly "POOR poor".

[ ] Halloween

[ ] school

[ ] trains

[ ] odd numbers - Well, I'm OCD enough that they bother me, but they don't frighten me.

[ ] even numbers

[ ] being alone

[ ] becoming blind

[ ] becoming deaf

[ ] growing up

Total so far: 15

[x] creepy noises in the night - Well, duh. It might be a ghost coming to possess me.

[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals - Ties right in with my fear of failure, probably. Right or wrong, I do and probably always will, feel that I am worthless as a person if I don't have worldly successes and achievements to point to. I agree with people that I have lots to be proud of, but I don't think I'm as accomplished as someone with my intelligence level should be by 32, and that causes me to be very hard on myself. I'm trying to learn to expand my personal definitions of what the terms "success" or "achievement" really mean to me so that I can be easier on myself more of the time, but those are still things I need in my life regardless.

[ ] needles

[ ] blood

[ ] dinosaurs

[ ] the welcome mat - Huh?

[ ] high speed

[ ] throwing up

[ ] falling in love

[ ] super secrets - Yuck. Sounds suspiciously like responsibility to me.

Final Total: 17

... if you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of _ out of 72 common fears"

If you get more than 30, counseling is strongly recommended.
If you get more than 20, you're paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless. (hardly, people!!)
People who don't have any are liars.

I think I might have posting disease or something today. Between here and everywhere else, I feel like I've been posting all day. Oh well. At least I'm having fun, and that's not the usual on laundry day. Party like it's your birthday, right?

1. What is one thing about you that you hate?
That would definitely have to be my moodiness. I've been that way since I was a little kid. My moods are intense, too. On the bright side, I have the capacity to feel really, really happy or creative. However, I also have the capacity to feel really intensely angry, depressed, or hopeless as well. 

2. What is one thing about you that you love?
I think that would be a toss-up between my creativity and my ability to empower other people. Those two things tend to compliment each other in a way I'm personally really proud of. 

3. If you had to change one thing about you what would it be and why?
Well, I'd love to be less moody and more optimistic more of the time. I'd also like to be someone who doesn't find it so hard to really dedicate myself to some of my projects to the degree I wish that I could. I have tons of passion and ambition, but I lack the proper level of drive to really perform in the way I'd like to.

4. What is one word that you would use to define yourself?
Probably "creative". I also think it would be fair to describe myself as "passionate". There are a lot of ways you could interpret that word and most of them would apply to me.

5. Imagine what you would look like in a perfect world. What do you look like?
You know... I don't really waste a lot of time wishing I looked different, even though I have plenty of things about my looks I'm not nuts about the same as anyone does. I guess I'd mostly change those little things, but overall, it's hard for me to imagine looking any other way and still feeling like "me". As for the little things? I'd love to have my hair be straight and red without my having to fuss with it to make it that way. I'd like a smaller butt and skinnier thighs. I'd prefer a little less softness and "babyishness" to my face, and maybe some cool eye color... like green maybe. Other than that, I'd look the same. Even in a perfect world, I still think I'd like being me.

Feel free to snag this at will. Also feel free to ask for elaboration on any of these if you're just dying to hear it.

Bold the ones you've done...

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain 
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease 
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris 
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an glacier
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper 
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon 
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne 
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight 
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill 
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb 
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run 
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days 
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day 
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 
53. Had amazing friends 
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country 
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day 
73. Posed nude in front of strangers 
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog. 
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman 
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie 
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have 
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch 
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason 
106. Masturbated in a public place 
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage 
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house 
117. Been in a combat zone 
118. Buried one/both of your parents 
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off 
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently 
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone 
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror..
125. Read - and understood - your credit report 
126. Raised children.
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice? 
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds 
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane 
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart 
146. Helped an animal give birth 
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle 
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph 
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse 
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train 
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi 
171. Had your picture in the newspaper 
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime 
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school 
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach 
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes. 
180. Read The Iliad 
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read 
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch 
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped your school reunions 
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream 
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair 
196: Dyed your hair 
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested.

Yesterday I responded to a meme that was going around on Live Journal. What I was supposed to do was let a friend choose seven of the interests listed on my profile. Then I was to make a separate post explaining what they all mean and why I list them as interests. My answers turned out somewhat interesting and informative, so I thought I'd repost them here for those of you who might enjoy them. These are the interests my friend Ayoub chose for me, along with the explanations of what they mean to me. Maybe you'll learn something interesting about me you didn't know before.

1. Anthropology: I know I don't usually seem like it, but I'm actually kind of a science geek. I was especially so when I was a little girl. One of the first things I can remember becoming really interested in was prehistory... you know... dinosaurs, cavemen, and whatnot. I had books, puzzles, mobiles, action figures. You name it! If it had something to do with prehistoric times, I had it. This blossomed into a casual adult interest in anthropology. I like thinking about where humans came from and how it relates to where we are now.

I think I was the only art major who was taking classes about it in college just for fun. I actually took both physical and cultural anthropology up into advanced levels just to learn. The anthropology professor thought I was a trip. I had so many questions about everything, and I was really enthusiastic about all of it, but I think he really liked that about me. I guess you don't get too many anthropology students that are fascinated with prehistoric pottery bowls, or what the difference is between the Olmecs and the Toltecs.


2. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab: My BPAL girls (and guys) are already nodding their heads knowingly. They get what this is all about, but I'll bet this interest looks damn strange to anyone who's never heard of it. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (or BPAL for short) is actually a small on-line perfume business, only this stuff is really more than just perfume. It honestly borders on art.

The girl that founded it comes up with these beautiful, creative blends that are based on all kinds of things -- literary characters, poetry, abstract concepts, and mythological deities to name just a few. What's more, they smell incredible. BPAL fans obsessively collect, horde, and trade bottles of the different blends -- especially the limited edition ones. It's a very fun, not to mention addictive, thing. With a few exceptions, BPAL has become pretty much the only type of perfume I wear anymore.


3. Europe: I was born in Europe and spent my early childhood there and I think it started something. As an adult, I'm obsessed with it -- especially Great Britain, and even more specifically, London. I love the food, culture, architecture, history. I'm pretty sure I'm one of those American people that sort of wishes they were British deep down... or not so deep down. The minute I have the kind of means to travel on a regular basis, I plan on spending extensive amounts of time there.

So how bad is the obsession really? I will even admit to sometimes listening to London radio stations just so I can know what's going on over there at a given time in minutiae -- how the traffic is, what's going on locally, what the weather's like -- dumb stuff like that. It makes me feel like I'm there or something, and it's relaxing somehow. A while back, I had a toolbar out for download that went with my website. If you're one of the handful of people that actually downloaded that and wondered why the hell the built-in radio came pre-tuned to a London radio station, that's why. It wasn't an accident. I just like doing random shit without explaining myself.


4. Gregorian Chant: Another obsession of mine is the medieval time period, and one of the areas of life I'm most fascinated with from that chunk of history is super-old-school religion. Those of you familiar with Gregorian chant know that it ties into that. If you don't actually know what it is, here's a chunk of explanation from Wikipedia.

Gregorian chant is the central tradition of Western plainchant, a form of monophonic liturgical chant of Western Christianity that accompanied the celebration of Mass and other ritual services. This vast repertory of chants is the oldest music known as it is the first repertory to have been adequately notated in the 10th century. In general, the chants were learnt by the viva voce method, that is by following the given example orally, which took many years of experience in the Schola Cantorum. Gregorian chant originated in Monastic life, in which singing the 'Divine Service' nine times a day at the proper hours was upheld according to the Rule of St. Benedict. Singing psalms made up a large part of the life in a monastic community, while a smaller group and soloists sang the chants. In its long history Gregorian Chant has been subjected to many gradual changes and some reforms.

I used to have many CDs of monks performing the chants. I don't listen to it as often as I used to, but I find the sound of it to be incredibly soothing and beautiful -- especially for any sort of meditation or creative exercise.


5. Psychology: This is kind of another one of my little-known interests. Like anthropology, I studied psychology extensively in school. During the period of my life when I was actually still trying to make an attempt at sensible life decisions, I was even a psychology major. I was actually planning on becoming a psychologist at one point. Eventually though, I just decided it wasn't right for me and switched my major to art. Art will always be my number one passion, but I remain very interested in psychology to this day. I even still regularly read psychology periodicals and websites.


6. The Afterlife: Oddly enough, my interest in religion ties in directly to my interests in psychology and anthropology. Most of you know I'm not a religious person... at all. I suppose you could call me spiritual though. I don't really believe in God, angels, or demons in any conventional sense. What I do believe in is possibilities, hence the reason you'll usually hear me tell people I'm an agnostic if asked about my religious beliefs. The idea of an afterlife fascinates me. I often think about what, if anything, will happen to me when I die. Will I go to Heaven or Hell? Will I reincarnate? Will I vanish altogether? Whatever the answer really is, I love to consider the question.

I'm also fascinated with the different ideas regarding the afterlife as they relate to people's cultures and their personal background. I like pondering how those things all relate and influence each other. I like looking at art depicting the afterlife, and reading various literary interpretations of it. I'm obsessed with the concepts of sin and virtue. There's a reason I always list my number one favorite book as The Divine Comedy more often than not, and this is it.


7. Vintage Hair: I've briefly touched on my interest in the 40's and 50's before. I have an interest in so much that has to do with that era. I love the films, the culture, the values. Being a girl who has a strong interest in fashion and style, I naturally have an interest in things like the clothing, the make-up, and the hairstyles as well. I love that I know how to do pin curls, and finger waves, and anything else that might be considered "vintage", although I don't actually fix my hair like that for every day. I'm just too lazy. However, quite a few hairstyles from that day are among my favorites... especially any that relate to Old Hollywood. I watch and love old movies for the fashion and style ideas I absorb as much as I do for the movie itself!