7 posts tagged “goals”

Knowing beforehand that you wouldn't fail, what would you attempt to do?

I really like this question, so I decided to sit here and try to think of a good answer for it, but I can't. If you've been reading me a while, you know that pretty much the one thing I truly consider myself to be afraid of is failure, yet although I can think of plenty of instances where I was afraid I would fail at something because it was just that important to me, I can't actually recall a time when fear of failure actually stopped me from eventually trying to do it anyway. It may take me a while to build up the nerve, but I always try sooner or later.

Maybe I really am the stubborn ass my birth chart says I am, or maybe my over-sized ego really does inwardly insist that I'm entitled to absolutely anything in life that I want, so long as I'm willing to earn it. All I know is that whatever the reason, I've at least attempted to make every dream I've ever had into a reality at some point in my lifetime, and that even where things didn't work out as planned, I have yet to actually give up trying altogether. 

I'm sure it probably helps that I have a real listening problem when it comes to criticism from other people. I may consider it if it comes from someone that actually knows what they're talking about, but other people's criticism has never lowered my own opinion of myself or stopped me from trying to achieve goals that are important to me. I never have, and never will, let anyone or anything stand in the way of being the person I want to be, so the day I actually learn to take "no" for an answer is pretty much the day I die.

The older I get, the more I think failure is a relative term. It probably means something different to everyone, but after giving it some thought, this is what it really means to me. In my opinion, the only true failure is in either not trying at all, or in giving up. There's always another avenue to try or another option yet to consider, so when it really matters -- at least if you subscribe to the Shannon Hilson School of Thought -- failure really is optional.

So I'm trying something a little bit different this year. Those of you who have had me on your reading list here for a long time are probably glancing at the date stamp of this entry and bracing yourself for my annual bitch-and-moan session about how retarded I think New Year's resolutions are because of how they encourage procrastination the rest of the year and all of that. Go ahead and breathe a sigh of relief, because I'm not doing that this year. You're off the hook.

I'm actually going to be compromising a bit this year. I'm still not making New Year's resolutions, but I will be participating in the 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days Challenge. For those of you who haven't heard about that from others on your friends list, the idea behind that is this:

The Mission: Complete 101 pre-set tasks during a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria: Tasks must be specific with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching, representing some amount of effort on your part.

I like the idea of this because there are so many smaller tasks that I want to accomplish in addition to some of the larger goals I'd like to reach. They just often slip through the cracks and get forgotten or pushed aside in favor of bigger or better things. However, it's almost impossible to complete a list of 101 things without including some of those things. Believe me... I know. It took me hours to complete my list. I did do it though, so go me!

If you are at all curious about seeing what's on it, I have it posted here at my main website. I intend to strike through the items as I complete them, so feel free to drop by there and click on the link I added to my articles directory and track my progress. You may also feel free to chastise me if it seems like I haven't completed anything on the list in a while. Some of the tasks are probably more of a stretch for me than others, but they aren't the ones that you might think at first glance. I was aiming for a variety of difficulty levels though. Let me know if you're doing this, too! I'd love some company!

When I was looking over my friends page earlier, I saw a quote on someone's icon that pretty much summed up my philosophy of life. If memory serves it was originally said by Mahatma Ghandi, but don't quote me on that. I wanted to remember it, so here it is shared as well.

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."

It's such a simple idea, and I think it just might be what I've always tried to do, even before I was really aware I was trying to do anything. However, for such a simple idea, it is so incredibly difficult to actually bring into reality. There seems to be so much that comes with just being human that gets in the way. While there is much in me that I wish I saw in others, there is also much that is fertile earth for the shadow of such an idea. How does one shift the balance when she is constructed so evenly of both shadows and light?

This afternoon I'm realizing that I haven't really posted much in the "general update" department on most of my public blogs. Probably some of my friends who aren't on my main journal are wondering what I've been up to and how I'm doing, so I am going to attempt to fill them in before I get on with the rest of my plans for the day.

So... life-wise. It's pretty much business as usual as I said above, but I thought some of the people on my list might like to see the wedding rings Seth and I picked out. We're a couple of big movie geeks, so we picked these. Ever since we saw Lord of the Rings together we've thought that would be the coolest ring in the world to have as a wedding ring. Neither of us likes gold though, so I was thrilled to see the Noble Collection finally released a silver version. They're perfect for us, so we ordered a pair of them yesterday. As for the wedding itself, we still haven't decided exactly when it will be, but it will probably be in Vegas and it will probably be soon.... within the next few months or so. When I know more, you'll know more.

And art-wise? I have some good news there as well. It's certainly interesting how opportunities come along in life exactly at the right time. I don't know how anyone can think there isn't someone or something somewhere looking out for us. I've recently been asked to join the Dark Arts Team at serialkillercalendar.com as a new true crime artist. This means that in addition to the portfolio and shop I keep at Deviant Art, I will eventually be keeping another one on that site as well containing things like serial killer portraits, images related to unsolved cases, and whatever else I can cook up. Some of the work I do for them will also probably wind up on the future calendars, trading cards, and the like that they produce from time to time, so that will be exciting as well.

I'd actually been looking into different options for a while now as far as how I can expand my audience and reach a different group of people in addition to the one I already do. This will be ideal right now, as I've always been very interested in things like the psychology of serial killers, unsolved murder cases, and the like, so I won't have to feel like I'm selling out and doing something that just isn't "me" the way I would if I just started churning out anime or something, you know? Plus, that site gets tons of traffic and a lot of press, so my name is going to get around. Every artist could use a little more publicity, and I'm personally looking forward to showing off my versatility as well. It will be a while until my portfolio and bio are up though, as I don't have a body of work created for it yet, but as soon as I do, up it goes. At the point where I am actively producing both types of work, it will be that site for true crime stuff and Deviant Art for the fantasy/gothic/fairy tale work people are already accustomed to seeing from me. As with the wedding stuff, I'm sure I'll have more to say when... well... when there's more to say.

I suppose that's about it for now, but that's probably enough for one entry. Life is really good to me these days, throwing great new things in my direction left and right, and I'm really thrilled about that.

Does anyone else ever find that they have problems dealing with their own humanity? It would seem that this is my ever-present problem, and probably has been ever since I was a child. It's hard not to be able to be perfect, and to have to remember that you have human limitations.

I've always been that super smart "whiz kid" who learned the fastest, could master pretty much anything I put my mind to, and was always "number one" at everything. The straight-A student. That one person in art or writing class who produced the stand-out work. The employee who was the hardest-working and the most valuable, even at jobs that I didn't feel made use of my true strengths. The person that always had the answer and knew "how to fix it". All of those things have always been me, and I have always loved that.

The downside though was that I found that I expected absolute perfection from myself more and more often, and wouldn't accept anything less, even if it was damn close. While this is in part a good thing, because it keeps me always pushing myself to grow more, learn more, and do even better, it also keeps me blind to the relative value of my own accomplishments at times. I tend to feel if something I've done or accomplished doesn't measure up to my "perfect" standard, it's worthless or meaningless, even if I logically know that isn't true.

I not only always feel like I need to be "the best" at everything I try, but I also put a lot of pressure on myself to be able to accomplish things at a much faster rate than anyone else. Sometimes I can do that, and that's wonderful, but other times I can't. Like anyone else, I get tangled in things like physical limitations, energy levels, and obstacles in general and I just hate that. Sometimes I almost feel ready to jump out of my skin because of it.

I suppose that would be a good thing to add to my resolution list for the newborn year. To allow myself to be human once in a while, and to judge myself as a human instead of as an infallible, invincible god, which I obviously am not. I do pretty well for myself, but I'll never be perfect no matter how much I might wish it. I just wish it was easier to remember that sometimes.

What's on your "do before I die" list?

I suppose there are still quite a few things. This list used to be longer though. I'm proud of myself for actually having been chipping away at it over the last few years instead of only dreaming away. Here are some of the ones I have yet to do or try, yet would like to someday.

• Take a trip around the world. I have so many countries on my "to visit" list including Greece, Ireland, England, Italy, Egypt, and France.
• Own at least one home of my own. We're well on our way to achieving this within the next few years though.
• Spend at least a short span of time living in Europe. I lived in Germany for part of my childhood, and I loved it. I'd like to have the experience again as an adult for certain.
• Have my own art gallery, or at least have a showing of only my work at a gallery sometime. I've actually never had a showing all my own before.
• Go back to school. I'd love to take a few more classes and learn some new things... maybe a language, another musical instrument, or a new method of artistic expression.
• Try acting in a stage production on for size. Although I'm a shy person, I think I'd really like acting and would be very good at it.
• Get married again, but I'm already engaged and we have been making some wedding plans for probably spring or summer, so most likely I can scratch this one off my list by the end of the year at the latest.

What's your dream career? 

Actually I would pretty much say that I'm already living my dream life, and that I already have my dream career. I'm a homemaker, as well as a freelance digital artist. Although at first glance, I don't really strike people as the Suzy Homemaker type, I really am and always have been. I love taking care of my fiance and my home, and he's thrilled that he has someone to come home to every night who is a great cook and keeps a pleasant home. Plus, not needing to keep an outside job leaves me plenty of time for both freelancing and personal pursuits when it comes to art and writing, and that's really important to both of us as well.

I love being an artist. There are really no proper words to express how much my art means to me, so it's a wonderful feeling when someone buys a piece of my personal work because it means just as much to them, and my absolute favorite moments come when I get e-mail or messages from happy customers who tell me that the print they bought brightens their day every time they see it, or that they actually cried when they got it in the mail because they'd had their eye on it for a long time. Then there are the people that commission me to do private work just for them. It's such an honor to be chosen to be the one that brings to life a very special creation someone will have and cherish for many years to come when they could have chosen literally anyone.

Of course, I would love to keep expanding in my craft, and getting more and more business, so I still have goals I want to reach, both personal and financial, but I have no doubts that I can accomplish anything I wish to. I'm good at what I do, and I have the determination and brain-power to reach my goals. Also, now that I've got the ball rolling with my visual art, I would like to get more serious about my writing and poetry in the near future, perhaps getting a few novels or collections published and enjoyed by at least a small readership one day.