Five Defining Moments

Trying to figure out what the defining moments in my life have been up until this point really wasn't any easy feat. None of the obvious choices really apply in my case. For instance, like a lot of people, I've been married and divorced. However, unlike most people who go through those experiences, neither of them really affected much about my life or my identity as a person. 

I know it sounds terrible, but I more or less got married "just because" and chose to get divorced just as flippantly when it didn't work out to my liking. In both cases, life went on very much as usual for me. Neither event felt at all monumental to me or had much of an impact on who I eventually became. I've always been weird that way though. Other seemingly "big" moments -- like first job, graduation, first apartment -- don't really seem to have much significance for me either. 

However, I think I've managed to pinpoint some that do. The odd thing that all my "moments" have in common was that I didn't recognize them as being monumental or life-changing at the time at all. In each case, their importance only became clear long after they occurred. 

1. First Art Sale: The first time I ever sold one of my personal pieces of art was very much a defining moment for me. The fact that someone would actually pay their own hard-earned money for something I was as proud of and that I felt defined me as much as my art did meant more to me than I can ever fully explain. Up until that point, I was certainly used to hearing praise and encouragement from family, friends, or teachers in regards to how great they thought my art was, but knowing that perfect strangers who had no reason to want to stroke my ego might feel the same way changed a lot about how I saw myself and my talents. From that moment on, I started to take some of the things I was good at a lot more seriously.

2. First Vacation Without My Parents: When I was younger, I was painfully shy and didn't ever really do much without one or both of my parents right there by my side. This was especially so when it came to going out of town or taking a vacation. I did that for the first time with a friend from work one spring after graduating college. We drove to Las Vegas together -- a good nine hours or so out of where I lived at the time -- and I had a blast. Up until that point, I'd never really been out "on my own" or been free to just do whatever, nor had I ever had any wish to, so I was surprised and delighted when I actually really liked it. I now think of the day I got in that car to go to Vegas as the day I started to become my own person outside of who I was to my family.

3. First Time Buying Groceries With Freelance Money: I was really never someone that could get excited about working for someone else. I hated having to arrange my life around someone else's schedule, let someone else dictate what my time was worth per hour, and wait on someone else's customers for them. In order for me to enjoy or be good at a job, I really have to be personally invested in it and I just don't care about being a cog in the machine of someone else's business. Working for myself is different though. I really care about my customers and the quality of the work I do, and as a result, I take great pride in everything attached to it. 

However, as is the case for most freelancers, it took me a while to get to the point where I could actually pay my bills that way, and I actually wondered for a long time whether or not I'd ever really be able to truly leave working for other people behind forever. The moment I realized I actually had was the first time I was able to push a full cart of groceries out of the store that had been paid for entirely with freelance writing money. It was probably one of the proudest moments of my life.

4. Winter 2003-2004: That was the period of my life during which I wound up becoming estranged from a bunch of my core family members. It was also probably one of the only experiences I've ever had that I considered to be truly painful for me on an emotional level. Up until that point, a huge part of my identity related directly to the role I played within my family unit, and without that unit in place anymore, I was forced for the first time to really examine who I was and decide how I felt about that. It was very difficult, but I did it, and although I still wish I could have learned that lesson in a less painful way, I'm still nevertheless glad I learned it. I wouldn't be the same person I am now without the insight I gained.

5. Opening My First Blog: Keeping a journal was nothing new to me at that point in my life, as I'd kept one since I was little. However, allowing other people to read what I wrote was. I was always painfully shy and very introverted -- even as an adult -- and it was unusual for me to really share much of myself with anyone in any way. Starting to share some of my experiences, thoughts, and feelings with what potentially amounts to the rest of the world was an important turning point experience for me. 

Although I'm still very much a loner, I'm much better at allowing others into my life and my thoughts than I once was. Blogging was also what eventually helped pave the way to my eventually sharing my artwork with others, taking my writing skills more seriously, and connecting with others to a degree I doubt I ever would have been open to otherwise.