Betcha Didn't Know

Here are my answers to that "Things People Don't Know About You" meme that's been going around. However, I could only think of five right now, even though I was supposed to do eight. If I can think of others, I'll post them, but for now five will just have to do. Also, I don't know if they're really things nobody knows about me, but they're little known facts to say the very least. 

1. Someone once told me that they were certain I was the Antichrist. They even tried to make me admit that I knew I was the Antichrist and that I was just waiting for my chance to take over the world. This person was 100% serious about this. As for me? I'm still not sure whether or not I'm incredibly insulted in regards to that or supremely flattered. On one hand, they thought I was pretty much the living embodiment of evil, but on the other, they thought I had the potential to take over the world. Tough call.

2. In high school, someone started a rumor that I had fake hair because they thought it was too pretty and too long to be real. For a long time after that, a lot of other kids tried to prove that the rumor was true. Some of the cruelest of them tried to set my ponytail on fire once. They apparently thought that if it was a wig, or a weave, or something, it wouldn't burn. I also had random girls run up to me and pull handfuls of my hair really hard for the same reason. I guess they thought it would come off or something. Good times.

3. I had some really weird guy that used to come into the shop where I used to work try repeatedly to get me to model for print ads for his bike shop. He sold like... Harleys and whatnot, I guess, and he wanted me to agree to be dressed up in leather and photographed draping myself all over some of the bikes. I declined, because I personally can't think of anything that would embarrass me more than having pictures of myself in skimpy leather outfits hanging up all over town, but this was nevertheless a running joke among my co-workers for years.

4. I'm borderline obsessed with old ephemeral films from the '40s and '50s -- you know, the ones that taught kids from back in the day how to groom themselves properly, behave in social situations, and basically be well-rounded, healthy individuals in every sense of the word. They're so interesting, not to mention completely surreal. It's a bit like opening a little window into the past that scares and amuses me in equal parts. I'm still reeling over the one that says no meal is as nutritious as it could be until it's slathered with butter. 

5. I think having a body is gross. I mean... really. It is. I honestly have to try not to think about the fact that I am indeed the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of squishy items like brains, and kidneys, and intestines, and ligaments. Plus, I find my body's natural urges -- for food, sex, sleep, and so forth -- to be supremely annoying most of the time. This is precisely the reason I want to be cremated when I die -- so the whole body thing can be truly and finally over with someday.

Oh, and just FYI? A couple of disclaimers in regards to a couple of the above statements.

1. My hair is indeed very real. Dyed? Yes. Fooled with so that I don't have to deal with my natural curls that I hate? Yes. Fake? Absolutely not. Each and every hair on my head actually grew out of my scalp inch by inch.

2. I am not the Antichrist to the best of my knowledge. Believe me when I say that if I were, I would very definitely not be able to resist bragging about it.